Breaking the Programming of Pain

Find your pain, find your motivation. Heal from that pain, change your motivation.

Can you make a webpage achieve an activity that is not in its coding? You cannot ; not without changing the code. Likewise, we cannot truly change our habitual actions until we identify our pain and really engage with the process of purging and healing.

Until we do this, we constantly seek people and situations that either reflect our pain or temporarily relieve it. I will provide some examples from my own life. I grew up with a somewhat distant relationship from my parents because they were both experiencing such vast pain from their childhoods. From childhood to today, I’ve always felt I have had to beg them or negotiate with them to be present and supportive in important moments in my life. What I did not realize is that I was choosing intimate partners based on this pain.

Without consciously recognizing my pattern, I chose to be in relationships with men that were somehow unavailable in an essential way. This was a manifestation of my need to heal from the pain that I was still holding onto from my parents. I had to acknowledge, first of all, that this was the root of my relationship decisions. Afterwards, I let go of my need for my parents to hold that space for me that I defined as what the parental space should be. I made a decision to determine for myself what a loving parental space is and to demonstrate that towards myself and within parenting my son.

Where is your pain? It could be in relationships, money, health, career, creativity, or even all of these areas.

If you can, take a moment and jot down the areas where you hurt, the areas where you would like to see something different in your life. Now, pause and reflect on the root of this pain.

Do your relationship choices stem from an unhealthy dynamic in your birth family? Do your money choices stem from a fear of not having? Do your health choices stem from a core belief that you are going to die anyway, so why be consistent in striving towards optimal health? Do your career choices stem from the wishes of your loved ones, or fears that you cannot succeed in a creative arena? Is your creativity free flowing, or blocked by the deep pains of your passions being deemed unimportant or not good enough by someone at some point - even if that someone was yourself?

Whatever you discover during this reflection, it is up to you to take some time to begin deleting those faulty codes and reprogramming. 

You are worthy of being properly loved. You are worthy of being greatly appreciated. You are enough. You can manage money well. You can attain wealth. You can be healthy and fit. You can be successful in any career that you choose. You are so loved. You are worthy of happiness and success.

When we have been holding on to pain for so long, we begin sabotaging ourselves in the areas where we have felt sabotaged. Like an autoimmune disease - we attack ourselves!

Once you have identified some of your pain points, write down 5 or more small steps you can make this month to a different mode of being. It’s often the small steps that bear the biggest results as they unfold into new patterns.

Examples: Take a 20 minute walk each day, have a candid conversation with _____, start looking for jobs in the field you really want to be in, renew your commitment to following the tenets of your faith, make an appointment with the college of your choice to prepare to enroll next semester, limit or stop alcohol or tobacco consumption, eat a salad each day, start on that painting, learn one chord on guitar, record one song… or it could be something big like ending or starting a relationship.

Follow your heart. Follow your spirit.

As a starting point, take a minute to affirm aloud now: I have the courage to make the changes that will improve my life in a healthful and harmonious way. I will take an honest assessment of my pain begin reprogramming my actions to live based on joy rather than pain. I will live my best life.

Lastly, when you’re unsure about what you’re being guided by, ask yourself in key situations - does this really serve me or is this just a product of my pain?

Much love to you in your journey!